---

it's that feeling;
existing yet non existent,
significant yet insignificant,
included yet excluded;
so many around yet no one notices.

hurt and pain are hidden,
disguised by a smile.

it's that feeling;
important yet unimportant,
socializing yet lonely,
sacrificing yet hoping,
trying yet failing.

just for that genuine smile,
i'd do anything.

but, it's the other things that matter most.

How I Met Your Mother

I officially love this more than Gossip Girl! ;D
So much that I never want Ted to meet his children's mother. -_-

I finished Season 4 and then I clicked on Season 1 again -_-

Remember the websites they mentioned in the series?


TedMosbyIsAJerk.com


Barney's blog


http://www.marshallandlilywedding.com/

:DD

Time for breakfast, and then time to study. :(

Old Friends

"Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead."

-Anna Cummins.

It's rather true, huh? So many times when people have left us, we tend to say things we never said when they were with us. A question that might pop up if we had not put in much effort in the relationship - What could have been?

A really, really big part of my life is about my relationships; family, boyfriend, best friends, friends, enemies. Call me clingy, if you like, but I like to always be with them, especially the boyfriend for obvious reasons. ;D

Humans are social beings. Once born, there is mutual interaction between us and the people around us. Come school years, we start to build the courage to introduce ourselves to people (Get a Barney wannabe to be your wingman if you must; "...Have you met Ted?") and hang out with them, build 'cliques' with different people (as bad as it may sound, it's a comfort zone!), go through ups and downs with them and all that stuff. The bond we have is really strong, until school years come to an end. What next?

Once in college, the comfort zone is intruded by many strangers. People you never knew you would meet and most importantly, never thought you would be so close to them. I cannot remember how many people have told me "Keep in touch!" or "Friends forever!" during the last year of primary school and the last year of secondary school. -_- But the point is, with all the new stuff going on in everyone's lives, by just being in different places, friendship fades. In order to not have it fade, effort is needed to keep it going i.e. perhaps half the effort you would put into a long distance relationship?

Well, everything goes both ways I suppose. Friends would always be friends. It's either one of these two scenarios:
(a) the distance between A & B increase throughout the years; this is what we call drifting apart.
(b) the distance between A & B maintains on an average all those years; this what we call an old friend.

You know, it would be/is such an honor to be someone's old friend. The reason why this is such an honor is because, there is simply no other relationship that could replace this. There is no rewinding back time to make friends all over again just to have more old friends in the future. Old friends maintain their importance in one's life, no matter what.

Unless the relationships sucked so much that one had to run away from them and start all over again; which then leads to him only having old friends when he is significantly at an old age. For such a sad person, he needs therapy.

Assuming you would like to have these really important people as truly old friends, I say why not take aside the geographical barriers and dissatisfactions, then start catching up with them again. On another note, if we could fuse just the right amount and selection of old friends and not-so-old friends to be in a single, bigger 'clique', it might not be a bad idea.

Tip: Facebook is good to stalk see how friends are coping with their new lives; but in order to engage in mutual stroking, do remember to say something/reply to your friend's comment/ wall post ;D

Bipolar.

I feel really bipolar lately.

I just.. I'm disappointed sometimes with your choices, your actions. Am I no one? Does my opinion not matter? Why do I need to repeat things until I give up doing so?

All of those things just made me believe that I was never your first priority; my feelings, my thoughts... me.

It doesn't really matter anyway.

I don't feel in control anymore.

On the other hand, being with you is, honestly, one of the best parts of my life. I would never want to give you up for anything.

But who knows?

No one does.

*edited 12a.m.: Only you make me feel this way. I love you.

Like a tree branch.

445 posts in this blog, over a period of... close to 3.5 years maybe? From this, you probably can tell that I'm not really an active blogger.

I tend to blog more about my feelings, my personal life instead of just superficial stuff. It's tough for me to pretend, put on a mask all the time 'cause it just gets so damn tiring. Which is probably why, as we keep clicking "Older posts", it's kind of obvious which times were good for me and which times were bad. Scratch that. It's damn obvious if I have to say so myself. -__-

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. Maybe it's time to change my blogging style? Don't tell me to just be myself. People change in time, some more drastic, some faster than the others, some for the better and some for the worse. And we either have to catch up with them or get left behind.

Acceptance is the key. Hold this thought for a moment.

As much as I recall, I never forced you into doing or not something. I accept what you've done, what you're doing and what you're about to do. I've let go of what you might have thought I was talking about. I was just expressing my thoughts, my feelings. I have two ways of thinking- rational and emotional. Probably you think I'm just being irrational and emotional. I have my reasons, reasons that if and when I told you, you would and do not understand why. Usually people say talk it out and solve the problem. Compromise, give and take. You want the best of both worlds, to do whatever you want/like to do and yet have me; but have you considered about my wants and needs? Hence the "doesn't matter" part of my speech. I wanted to be your first priority. I thought I was, but maybe I was never.

You know, I never wanted to make life difficult for you. I really tried my best to make you happy; whether in the little daily actions or bigger spontaneous actions.

As much as counseling is annoying, here's something like what the counselor might say. If you cannot change them, why not change your attitude and feelings towards it?

That's exactly what I did before, and what I'm doing now. Acceptance.

I'm so tired of arguments over nothing at all. I give up on the whole thing.

Again, acceptance is the key.

recent loves :)

With much thanks to Shanuja, I'm done with Season 2 of Gossip Girl!

& this is one of my favorite scenes towards the ending. :)


Chuck & Blair finally are together after all the drama, Gossip Girl style. :)

In this scene:

Chuck: I was a coward running away again. But everywhere I went, you caught up with me. So I had to come back.
Blair: I want to believe you, but I can't. You've hurt me too many times.
Chuck: Then believe me this time.
Blair: That's it?
Chuck: (pauses) I love you, too.
Blair: Can you say it twice? (laughs) No, I'm serious, say it twice.
Chuck: I love you, I love you, I love you.

Aww, that was seriously sweet! You just have to watch it to find out why it was so meaningful in the end. :)

& then Shanuja told me that Ed Westwick (Chuck) and Vanessa *whatever her real name is, I don't give two shits* are a couple in real life. *heart shatters* I hate Vanessa (in the series). In reality, I've no idea who is she but I still.don't.like.her. Annoying face, annoying voice; that's why she got an annoying character, haha -_- I'm strange like that.


Bitchbitchbitchbitchbitch *grrr* Forget about her.

At the ending, Gossip Girl said "You wanted to meet Gossip Girl? Well, look around. I'm nothing without you. And while most high school friendships fade, it's my hope that what happened today will bond you forever. Now that all my secrets are out, you have a clean slate. Until college. Congratulations, I'm coming with you."

*jumps around joyfully* I'm so looking forward to Season 3! :D

Before you think I'm overly obsessed with Gossip Girl, here's another series worth watching. How I met your Mother. :D
I think it would be a good time to start watching now because so far, it's already 4 seasons and by the time you finish the 4 seasons the fifth one might be available. That is if you don't watch all in one night like I do. :D


This place is like an essential meet up place in every episode. They call it the Maclaren's Bar. :)

Barney is the most attention seeking character, ever; always picking up girls.

Oh, this is one of his lamest pick ups ever! Season 4. :)
Speaking about that, I haven't even watched the last episode of season 2 and the whole of season 3 yet but anyway.

Barney (dressed like an 80 year old eccentric-scientist-old-man): signaled for Robin to give Ted a slap in 4 seconds to prove to the girl (Cindy) he can tell the future.

Cindy: *wide eyed* Wow!
Barney: In a few minutes, the young me from your time is going to come through that door. Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane, but in order to save the planet, you need to sleep with him tonight.
Cindy: What? I...
Barney: Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight, in whatever way he wants it, or he won't be able to find the solution to global warming that saves the human race.

Four minutes later Barney comes in, acting like he has never spoken to the girl. And she went; *gasp* can I buy you a drink? -_- And he was like, sure, and I have 45 minutes to 1 hour for some other activities. Stupid bimbo. :D

LOL, I don't know if this post bored you but it sure brightened up my morning. :D

And to end this, I quote Barney; "It's Legen... wait for it... Dary."

---

Love involves taking risks. With you, I'm willing to take any. I love you loads. :)

---

First night on a new bed, it seems quite unfamiliar. It's comfortable, but things don't seem right.

Most of my readers are my friends, including the boyfriend. Most of you would know that in my previous relationship, a person cheated on me. Everyone knows I'm over that person but how many knows the same fear still stays?- the fear that someone else will just come along and the boyfriend would leave me for her/him. This is gonna be such a pathetic post, I can't stand myself.

I've been typing and backspacing for the past half an hour. I don't know how to word my thoughts out exactly this time. I need to talk to you.

Yes, I think we should talk.

*edit: it's not a matter of trust.

my love.

happy 12 plus 4 months, 3 hours 26 minutes and still counting. :)

i love you for so many reasons, but right now, i love you because your blog post made me smile once i woke up. :)

it's the simple things that matter the most.

*hugs sayang tightly*

Green peas and snowballs

She feels most secure here; surrounded by her pillows, bolsters, teddy bear, soft toys and comforter; and you.